No one ever gets married anticipating divorce.  Just like many couples, my ex-husband and I planned to have a long, happy life TOGETHER.  We both came from broke and broken homes.  We used to say that we were going to break the cycle of crazy.  But that did not happen.

After nearly two decades and three children, my knight's armor lost some of its shine.  And I apparently did not do enough to keep him from falling off of his horse.  Before I think I fully comprehended what had happened, I was alone with my children; he was with his pregnant girlfriend; and I felt devastated.  And then angry.  Very, very angry.  I was angry with him.  I was angry with myself.  And I was angry with God.

The girlfriend was no surprise to me.  I had known.  And I did everything that most women in my position would have done.  I tried to "save" my marriage.  I wanted to figure out what went wrong so that I could fix it.  I could not believe that my husband did not love me. I had been praying for God to somehow bring him back to me.  I had prayed for God to help my husband find a way to love me again.  Again?  I actually still believed that a man who had shared such intimacy with another woman somehow loved me.  Kinda crazy.  

So when it all fell apart, I was angry at God for not answering my prayers.  I did not even realize that I was angry right away... I was rather numb for the first year and a half.  In fact, it took someone asking me about my walk with the Lord to allow me to break down and realize how much I blamed God for my failed marriage.  It was during that little meltdown, which unfortunately just happened to be during a job interview, that I woke up--the numbness wore off, and I knew I had to get myself together.

When I started searching for answers, I found I had more questions.  But the one article that I  read that really stuck with me was an article from Focus on the Family.  I cannot tell you the name of the article or who even said this, but the passage that stood out to me stated that God will not allow you to stay in a marriage that will continue to be damaging.  In other words, if your spouse continues to have affairs or abuse you, God is not going to allow that to continue.  The article went on to state that God does not want children raised in that type of atmosphere.

That was what I needed to read.  I won't get into details about my divorce, but I will say that there was a pattern that clearly indicated the marriage was over. My knight in shining armor had fallen off his horse.  It didn't matter how or why.  He was down for the count.  And I was determined to handle my situation with grace.  

No matter what your situation, children do not need to see or hear how ugly adults can be to one another.  Find a way to speak to each other with some decency and do all that you can to make sure your children are as protected from as much pain as possible.



05/31/2017 3:34am

I can feel your pain. It really feels numb for the first months. It's as if you're not happy or sad at all. It hurts like hell remembering all the happy memories that you both had. I swear I wished that he was banished and all of my memories of him is just erased. But that's not possible. I wish it was.


It is really hard to go through a divorce. I totally agree with what you have that says that no one ever gets married anticipating divorce. Sometimes it just happens even if we do not want it to happen. You did your best in order to save your marriage yet it was not enough. I am glad that you have finally realized why something like your divorce happened. God really has his ways with our lives and he does not do anything without a reason.

07/01/2017 10:03am

Well, it happens. I think there is no need for you to worry about it now.


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